|Your Relationships Begin With
As a single male in my mid-twenties,
I find myself consciously and unconsciously thinking about and searching
for that special someone. My goal has always been to be friends with my future
wife for at least a year, date for a year, engaged for a year, which includes
being married by the time Im thirty.
This goal may seem far-fetched and I
admit it is, so Im open to altering it. I know what I want in a future
spouse (I think) and I definitely know what I dont want. But the older
I get, the more I realize that the challenge to find someone who fits what
I want and what I dont want seems like mission: impossible.
My impatience steps in which seems to prolong my wait to meet this future
wife of mine.
Occasionally, I reflect on the thought
that she is out there somewhere so I wonder what she is doing at that very
moment and if she is thinking of me. As much as I am actively trying to find
someone, Im reminded by my friends how they found their special someone
when they were least expecting to. I have to remind myself and know that
God will introduce me to her and reveal who she is when we are both ready.
So does that mean Im not ready? I think I am, but at times I have my
doubts. Maybe she isnt ready, which could mean that she is doing something
to better herself for our relationship. Ill always go back to the question
of if Im ready or not. How will I know? I believe the answer lies in
how I respond to the following questions:
I ask myself if Im financially
ready. Who is? I graduated college a couple of years ago and have already
went through two career changes and I have been laid off. Needless to say,
my checkbook is nowhere near where I want it to be, I wont even mention
credit cards. So I need to think more about saving for my future, buying
a house, and paying off some bills. After all, I dont want to drag
her into my debt and spending habits. I know that I need to better myself
in regards to finances.
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I ask myself, am I physically fit and
attractive? The honest answer is that Im not in as good of shape as
Id like to be and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know I need
to join a gym, look online for articles about cooking healthier for bachelors,
and watch how many times I go out to eat. What is a better motivator to working
out besides looking good for yourself and gaining that confidence, than wanting
to look good for your significant other? After all, I hope my wife is attracted
to me as I am to her.
I ask myself, am I smart? With a college
degree I think so, until I watch shows like Jeopardy or play board games
with friends and I realize that I still have a lot to learn. I am thinking
of going back to school. After all, I want my wife to think Im
I ask myself if Im in the spiritual
place with God that I want to be. Do I attend church every week? Do I read
the Bible each day? Am I asking more from God than I am thanking Him during
prayer? Am I a good example for others and am I teaching them about God?
After all, I hope my future wife and I can pray together and maybe take a
leadership role in a youth group.
I ask myself, am I happy as an individual?
A relationship can bring happiness and fill the void of being alone, but
should I put that burden on my future wife? If you are comfortable being
yourself, being happy alone and dont need someone, that is a step in
the right direction. I believe that needing someone to fill a void and wanting
someone to fill a void are two entirely different things. This is why your
relationships begin with you. After all, if you dont love yourself,
then how do you expect someone else to?
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that draws women to you.
When you fulfill the above aspects of
your life to an acceptable extent - then watch out, your future spouse may
just be at the local bookstore, in the gym, at church, at work, at school,
or at the bank. I dont expect to be able to accomplish each of these
things in the next four years, but I will always strive to do so. After all,
I hope she will always strive to do the same. And most of all, I hope we
will continue to strive to do these things together!
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