1: If the two of you have children together, keep in
mind that you will be in touch with each other until one of you dies. Never
let your children see hostility, animosity, or any other bad feeling flow
between you and your ex. Do not exchange unkind words with your ex in front
of the children, and do not force your children to take sides. Never speak
bad of your ex to your children! Your children have the right to reap the
benefits of a joyous childhood.
2. The way you handle
your breakup will make a huge impact on the rest of your life, and on any
other future relationships you may have. If you have strong feelings of
worthlessness, anger, resentment, hopelessness, or the inability to accept
the breakup, professional counselling may be necessary to help you cope with
and understand these emotions.
3. Realize that you
are in complete control of your responses and emotions to any
situation. You have the ability to control your 'actions', simply by not
allowing them to become 'reactions'.
4. Allow your grief
to happen. Grief is not something you get over, it is something you get through.
Cry if you feel sad. Punch your pillow. Call your mother, your best friend,
or a close colleague and wail away. They'll understand.
5. Understand that most
of your grief comes from the death of the dream of 'forever'. Replan your
future and set some new and realistic goals to strive for.
6. Don't rush into dating
again. When you were in your relationship you gave 'pieces' of yourself to
your mate and to your relationship. Wait until you have regained all your
pieces back before thinking about giving of yourself again in another
relationship. Additionally, don't introduce new dates to your children right
away. Make sure you have a solid relationship with another person before
bringing them into your home and introducing them to your children. Children
feel loss, too.
7. If you are getting
a divorce, try to talk with your soon-to-be-ex regarding divorce settlements
and visitation rights outside of your lawyers. Peaceful arrangements
are much more rewarding to both you, your ex, and your children, than long,
drawn-out and bitter divorces.
8. Take good care of
your health. I remember looking in the mirror a couple of months after my
breakup and being shocked by the Zombie staring back at me. As hard as it
may be at this trying time, please try to eat healthy, get adequate rest,
and plenty of exercise.
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