For a Faster Recovery
1. Start a personal journal about
your journey from heartbreak to 'better-than-ever'. I know one man who kept
a record of his postings on our break up board, starting from his devastating
beginning days, to his healed and in love again days, and then turned them
into an awesome book of self-discovery and hope.
2. Get all your hurt, pain,
frustration, anger, love - whatever emotions you need to release - out.
Place an empty chair in front of you and imagine it to be your ex (it may
help to place a picture of your ex on the chair). Talk to him/her,
telling them all the pain you feel, all the resentment you harbor, or the
hurt feelings, emptiness, loneliness. All the love you have for them. Get
it all out! Yell, blame, cry, beg, whatever feels good at the
3. Take an evening course. For
example: art, writing, computer, or graphic arts.
4. Take a walk. I started walking
about 4 weeks into my break up because I thought I was going to go nuts!
I can honestly say that, not only did I walk the break up off, I also
walked off about 10 unwanted pounds, got beautiful legs, sun-streaked hair,
and a great tan!
5. Make your own break
up music tape. Do Not include any songs that remind you
of your ex! And, try to record only insightful music (not just sappy,
sad stuff!). Such as Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive". Here are some song
bonnie raitt- give it
up or let me go
dixie chicks- you were
destiny's child- bug
cher- strong enough
allure- all cried out
whitney houston- it's
not right but it's ok
monica- ring da bell
tlc- no scrubs
sarah mclachlan- circles
no doubt- end it on
mariah carey- i don't
madonna- the power of
shania twain - that
don't impress me much
sheryl crow- anything
whitney houston- heartbreak
all saints- never ever
ben folds five- song
for the dumped
brandy- almost doesn't
mya- if you died i wouldn't
cry cause you never loved me anyway
mya- movin on
en vogue-too gone, too
dixie chicks-let 'er
mary chapin carpenter-
the last word
fleetwood mac-go your
fleetwood mac-i don't
want to know
6. Try something different that
you haven't experienced before. Parasailing, meditation, yoga, acupuncture,
lectures, etc. Read some new-age philosopher's books and
7. Write down all your different
dreams of the future that you had planned around you and your ex being
together. Use a separate piece of paper for each dream. Example: our dream
home in Colorado, our vacation to the Bahamas next Spring, children,
etc. Individually burn each one by throwing them into a fireplace or a fire
8. Cry! Cry hard and long. Now
stop, wait five minutes, and then cry again!
9. Set aside a certain amount
of time each day that you will allow yourself to grieve - and nothing else
but grieve. It is a funny thing, but when you try to grieve - and only
grieve - you'll find that you don't really feel all that full of grief.
It's when you try not to grieve, or when you allow other things to
happen while you grieve (phone calls, television, smoking, eating) that you
believe your grief consumes you.
10. Seek counselling or therapy
to help you get in touch with your inner feelings.
11. If you're angry try to release
it in a non-destructive way. Example: pound your pillow, go for a jog, or
workout at the gym. To stop anger try to understand what exactly it is that
you are angry about and try to understand the motives of the person that
angered you, or the reasons behind the event that angered you. Anger
usually is simply fear of losing control over a situation, event, or even
12. Start a project. Example:
Remodel your bathroom, grow a garden, or get in better
13. Give yourself a hug! God
made our arms long enough so that we may embrace ourselves. Try it - nobody's
looking. :) ...and it feels soooo good!
14. To help you sleep keep a
fantasy list close to your bedside. A 'fantasy list' is a list of things
that you dream about. For instance; planting a garden, winning the lotto,
building a home. Each night before you close your eyes pick one fantasy from
the list. Now close your eyes and think about what you would do if your
fantasy came true. Don't just 'think' about it, plan it out detail-by-detail
... see the dream unfold piece-by-piece. Example: if you were to plant a
dream garden what would you have in it? What kind of flowers, what colors?
What vegetables and herbs? Would you have decorations or garden ornaments?
A koi pond? Bird house or birdbath? Perhaps a nature walk or cobble-stoned
pathway? A resting bench? A fountain?
15. Pamper yourself. Get a massage,
or a makeover. Buy new shoes, or change your entire wardrobe. Don't feel
guilty - you've just been through hell, and honey, you deserve some pampering
- so spoil yourself silly!
16. If you and your ex hung
around with the same crowd, it's time to make new friends! Join church groups,
hiking/biking clubs, singles groups, or even tournaments and sports
leagues. Take dance lessons. Join committees. Look up old friends that you
have lost touch with, or volunteer your services or help somewhere if you
have spare time to give.
17. I've heard this great suggestion
for when you are stuck 'obsessing' about your ex. What you are supposed to
do (and I've tried this - it works!) is either inside or outdoors, sitting
or walking, start counting every single thing you see. For instance sitting
at your desk you might do something like this:
Coffee cup. Four
Keep counting without stopping
until you feel you are done. This may be at 10, or even 200. Then your
supposed to focus your attention again at the objects around you, only this
time instead of counting, you are making a comment to that thing, Example:
"Pen, You just sit there until I put action to you. I wonder how many words
you have written, how many stories you could tell." "Coffee cup, you
are plain and unattractive. A dull eggshell color." Keep this up until you
feel you are finished and refocused.
The object of this is to re-focus
your attention outward to the objects around you, and by forcing your attention
outward you stop your thoughts from being stuck
18. Do your very own website!
That's how I got started :) Just pick your favorite subject, or even a business
you wanted to always do - and upload it on to the web. The plus side to this
is you will get so involved in your new website that time magically passes
and when you see all your hard work start to come to life, you gain
a new appreciation for wonderful you.
19. Build your own sanctuary
or respite. This can be a place in your garden, a spare room, or even your
porch. Place some special plants and flowers, figurines, or statues around.
Decorate it in a calm, soothing color scheme. Add a soft-flowing fountain,
or background music of nature tapes. Go there to re-connect with your inner
20. Start a self-improvement
program. You can change things about yourself you don't like, and
you can learn to understand and like things about yourself that you didn't
before. Inner-reflection and awareness is very
21. Check out support forums
here for those going through break up grief.
22. Fall in love with yourself.
Take yourself to a movie, or a lunch at a quaint little sidewalk cafe. Go
on a short road trip, and pack along an awesome picnic basket. Grab
a blanket and good book and make a day of it. Fly a
23. Go through every inch of
your home and pack up anything that reminds you of your ex. This includes
pictures, gifts, or even their belongings. For each item you remove replace
it with a plant or flowers! Rearrange your furniture and reclaim your house.
Remodel, redecorate. Renew!
24. Buy a puppy, kitten, bird
- or even a horse! Set up an awesome aquarium, or terrarium. Yes - you
can buy love!
25. Invite friends over for
a sleep-over! No - you're never too old for a sleep-over! Rent some
awesome movies, buy some sinful snacks, get some good board
26. Change is good. If you have
found that during the course of your relationship you got stuck in a
rut, now is the time to wake up and revamp yourself. Change your car, buy
a new sportier or racier one - or trade in your trusted old Betsy for a Harley.
Go back to school. Throw away your polyester slacks and buy
some slinky black leather pants. Change your hair color or get a new
do. The world is yours, honey - it's your time now so be all that you can
27. Get out and enjoy life.
Join a bowling league, pool tournament, or volleyball
28. Write. Start a book, a journal,
a collection of poems, or even your favorite recipes.
29. Write your ex a letter.
Say whatever you want, how ever you feel. Blame, moan, confess your love.
Express forgiveness. Whatever. It is your letter, do with it as you like.
When you are all finished, rip it up!
30. Profit from your break up.
Design a new series of 'break up' greeting cards, or design a line of t-shirts
with funny 'break up-lines' on them. Other ideas for merchandising might
be purses, beach towels, book/page markers, bumper stickers, mouse pads,
coffee cups, and even answering-machine recordings.
out my webBooks now! You'll be glad you